I want to be my own damn hero

ShoesSo, I’m gonna be brutally honest.  I think it’s all part of the adventure and I want other girls reading this to get the true story.  Including the bits that aren’t going to plan.

I started my #5am workouts on the 8th of October.  They consist of a weird mash up of 80’s aerobics, Tae-bo, weights and stuff I’ve seen on instagram.  Plus I’ve been eating healthy, cutting down on my portion sizes, going easy on the carbs and cutting out most dairy and sugar.  (Although I just figured out my protien shakes are whey powder.  As in curds and whey.  And whey, little miss muffet, is made out of milk – doh!).

I lost 4 kg in the first 4 weeks and thought I was a mad genius.  Thought I had it all figured out.  Thought I’d get to my goal pretty quick if the first 4 weeks were anything to go by.  And seeing results like that kept me motivated.   This big big goal felt do-able.

Then the scales stopped moving.

The universe gave me a clip around the ear.

Fit girls talk about #NSV – non scale victories.  I’m seeing those even thought the scales aren’t moving.  My work clothes are looser, my bra seems to be a little roomier in there (used to look like I was wearing a push up bra, even though I wasn’t).  I’ve compared my before photo to now and I can see obvious changes.  My tummy is a lot smaller, my arms are thinner, my wrists and ankles seem narrower, my arms and legs are starting to change shape and get angles where once there were only generous curves.

Mowing the lawn and vacuuming the house are easier.  I’m happier in myself and motivated to do stuff around the house, even after a big day at work.  Currently having a ruthless clean out – book case and wardrobe done.  Still got the linen cupboard, art room and kitchen to go.   I always get the yearn to have a clean out at Christmas time.  New year, new start maybe?

My moods were great to start with, then I went through a few weeks of being super moody and letting negative thoughts mess with my head but that seems to have passed for the moment and am feeling invincible again.  Maybe my body is just adjusting to everything that’s happening.  Poor thing is probably in a little shock.

So it’s all sounding good except for those damn scales.  And of course, being the Queen of Impatience doesn’t help.  People keep telling me muscle weighs more than fat but surely I can’t be going kilo for kilo losing fat and gaining muscle??  Last week the scales finally budged another 500grams.   Whew!

I’m not ready to ask for help.  My heart isn’t open to that yet.  I wanna figure it out on my own, motivate myself, be my own damn hero.  Show myself I can get my butt out of bed at 4.45am every day to do my #5amworkout.  It’s like I’ve got something to prove to myself.  Like part of me knows I’m strong inside but the other half isn’t so sure and needs a little convincing.  I’m still going though, because I know I feel better and look better already.  And sooner or later, everything will kick in and the scales will show the hard work I’ve been doing.

I think I’ve done okay considering I couldn’t work out for 2 weeks early on because I got a mega case of bronchitis.  And then about 3 weeks ago, I tore all the muscles in my shoulders (kinda over did it with the weights and over extended and then did push ups), so have only been working out the bottom half of my body.  Lots of squats and Tae-Bo kicks.  My hubby showed me how to use the home gym we’ve had collecting dust and rust for ages – but haven’t been able to use it because of my shoulders.  I’m a little frustrated but it’s only slowing me down a little.  If anything, it’s making me more determined to keep going and working though and around my injury.

I really can be a stubborn little shit sometimes.

I’m guessing motivation comes and goes.  And I know Christmas will be a challenge – plum pudding and custard – oh baby.  But the success I’ve had so far, even with my setbacks has given me a courage boost to keep going.  It’s only been 9 weeks and I can see big differences.  I’m kinda excited to see the changes in another 4 weeks when I head off to the weekend art retreat that was the catalyst for starting.  And buying new jeans for winter in a few months time – hopefully in a smaller size.

I want to lose weight – because the number on the scale isn’t good.  But I don’t want to get skinny.

I want to get strong. 

I want to get fierce. 

And I want to be my own damn hero.

Coral. xo

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